Famous Last Tears; on repeat

Initially, i badly wanted to meet him tonight. I just wanted to talk. Hang out and talk. And as usual on Fridays, he have jamming sessions. Initially, bestie and me wanted to drop by. And i badly wanted to see him. But yet, we didn't although we were only a street away from the jamming studio. How stupid is that? Me and my fucking ego. So i actually got him his birthday gift already. Just a week away, and im so excited. I don't know why im so excited because it's HIS BIRTHDAY, NOT MINE! But still, i badly want to celebrate it with him, that is if he wants to celebrate it with me. Plus, with how things are right now, i really don't know. We aren't together anymore, but i don't want to let go and so does he. I admit that he has been my special someone since Rid ditched me. He is a friend, a brother, and most of all, a lover. A devoted one. He was so patient with all my antics. And no matter how i hurt him, he just leave it. He doesn't care all the pain i put him through, cause he'll say "Because i love you what, that's why i can tahan..."

But then it's very contradicting. Cause right now, tonight, i don't feel that love anymore...

"Hid, can i tell you smtg? For the past few days i've been thinking of you.
Im really scared that you will leave me. I don't know what to do if you leave.
I have nothing Hid. Cause you're the one i really love.
I can't afford to lose you. Just pls, work things out. I beg you.
If we quarrel or smtg, there's no need to end our r'ship.
Just be patient. Are you willing to give up after what we've been through?
Pls hid, don't give up on me. Cause i will never give up on you.
I trust you. Just don't leave me. I need you. And sorry for everything."
~Art

P/S: Another shit.
Sorry, again.