I've been this way, I stay this way since June

I'm aware of what's happening,
yet I can't find the strength to stop it.
I'm well aware I didn't want it,
but I did nothing to stop it.

I don't know why I did what I did,
I don't know why I didn't fight it.
I didn't want it,
I didn't feel it,
but I let it be.
I let it happen.

Sometimes,
I think I 'm the master of bad decisions.
Sometimes,
I think I deserve all the bad in the world.

I didn't stand my ground,
I let it happen when I didn't want to.
I don't have a mind of my own,
I don't have any... Dignity.

I'm so lost,
but it happened.
And there's nothing I can do.
Cause I can't turn back time.

But for now I know,
that I won't let it happen again.

Don, I wish you're here.
I wish I could share this load with you.
And even if you get mad at me,
I know I did the most stupidest thing ever.,
and you can blame me and be angry all you one.

I remembered you warning me not to do it,
cause it's not worth it and I will end up hurt.
Don, you were so right.
I don't want this anymore.

Oh. God.